The female orgasm is one of the most elusive things in life. And to be honest, it’s downright weird and, as a woman, I’m going to go ahead and say it’s a little unfair. Why is it so damn hard?!
And as difficult it is for us to deal with, I will confess that my heart does go out to you men (and women, of course) who are trying to give out orgasms. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t get them there and you feel bad and they feel bad and self-esteem gets hit – urgh, it’s a fucking mess.
But don’t worry, guys and gals. Sexpert Megan from award-winning blog Sex & London City, is here to give the female insight.
- Start from the inside out
Bear with me, this isn’t meant to sound dirty. But let me break it down for you; women are complex creatures and our biggest sex organ is located right between our ears. The brain. If we don’t feel good inwardly then it’s highly unlikely we’re going to be able to feel good in any other way. Start by building her confidence and making sure she loves herself. It’s not going to happen overnight, but there are lots of little things she can do (and you can help with) to help her relax and get her to truly experience the sensations in her body.
- It ain’t all about the thrust
It’s no wonder penis-owners love thrusting. I would too, if I had one, because it’s how you get the orgasm so I’m not surprised it’s the go-to move. But I’ve got some news for you; that ain’t going to work for most vagina-owners. Newsflash, I know.
In fact, research has shown that around 75% of women can’t orgasm from sex alone – that is without external stimulation from toys, fingers, tongue… You get the picture. So that means forgoing the fucking and instead getting to work on something a little more sensitive. For now, at least.
- Let’s talk about the clitoris
Ok, straight into it. You’d be forgiven for thinking it was just that tiny little button above the vagina; push it a few times with your fingers and boom, job done. Sorry, everyone. Science is here to burst your bubble yet again…
Did you know that the clitoris now has legs?! These extend way underneath the skin and around the vagina, meaning that there’s a lot more to those 8000 (yes, 8000) nerve endings than we originally thought.
So what does that mean for you? It means there’s a little more work to do than just poking that little nub with your fingers or tongue. Need some tips?
- Don’t focus on just one area. Play around the creases of the thighs and labia. The teasing alone will be enough to drive them wild
- Vary the pressure. Long luxurious licks, gentle flicks of the fingertips. Variety is the spice of life, after all
- If something sounds like it’s doing some good, for the love of god, don’t stop! If their breath starts to quicken or the moans sound hotter, don’t move on. Keep doing whatever it was that made those noises appear or they might never forgive you
- Speaking of teasing…
We get it, you’re horny. And you want to get straight to the main event. But didn’t anyone ever tell you that delayed gratification is the way to go? They’ll thank you for the killer orgasm in the end.
Spend time on the parts that are often neglected; the neck, the chest, the stomach and the inner thighs. And definitely don’t forget the breasts. Lick, tease, nibble, suck and tweak the nipples – gently, of course. There are plenty of nerve endings there, plus it looks and feels so damn hot to both the giver and receiver.
Contrary to popular belief, men can multitask, and now’s the time to prove it. When you’re going down on a woman, don’t be afraid to get your hands involved. Whether you reach up and play with her breasts, use them to take the pleasure to a whole other level.
While a lot of women can’t orgasm straight away from g-spot stimulation alone (remember the thrusting conversation we had earlier?), I would strongly recommend a bit of internal ‘finger-play’, if you will. Try this little move on for size…
Slide one or two fingers into your lucky woman and then, with your palm facing up, beckon those fingers towards you in a ‘come hither’ motion. Can you feel that bumpy walnut-like patch? Congratulations, you just found the g-spot. Now you’re not just going to press it and she’s suddenly going to squirt; it doesn’t work that way, honey. Instead, play with it gently, rubbing back and forth and moving your fingers in a circle to make sure you’re hitting every single spot.
Do you want to hear another secret? One final parting gift from me to you? You know how it really gets you off when you hear your partner moan? Well it works the other way around too. Nothing, I repeat, nothing, is sexier than hearing someone enjoying themselves when their head is between your legs.
There are plenty of women out there who would LOVE more oral sex, but are afraid that they “look weird down there” or “smell weird” or that others just don’t want to do it. This causes them to be in their heads way too much, which unfortunately stops them from reaching orgasm – stupid brain. But if they know that you want to be there and are enjoying it, then this will help them relax and get out of their heads and into their body – which is where they need to be. As you venture south, don’t be afraid to tell her “I could be here all night, baby”; it’ll send shivers down her spine and make the whole experience a lot more enjoyable.
And there you have it. This is by no means a definitive step-by-step guide; every woman and vagina is completely unique so once you’re faced with both, it’s up to you to figure out what will please them best. Good luck, my friend. But follow these tips and you won’t go wrong.